Letters to the Modern Church

My family got our very first computer when I was around 10 or 11 years old. My parents set up a Juno email address for the family and with dial up internet there was nothing we couldn’t do (except talk on the phone at the same time). It was shortly before my dad left on a 6 month deployment, and for the first time in my dad’s naval career (aside from infrequent phone calls when he was in port somewhere) we would be able to communicate with him in a manner that didn’t take four or more weeks to get a response.
With advances in technology (and other things) has come the age of social media. As a navy brat, social media has been great for keeping in touch with friends I’ve made all over the country, as well as allowing me to keep friends and family up to date on the comings and goings of my own life, all in one easy location.
While there are many positive aspects of social media, there are also a number of negative. One aspect that I feel has been very detrimental to our society is that of being constantly updated on the status and comings and goings of nearly everyone in our lives. My theory is that, with the constant updates on people’s personal lives, we have begun to feel a right to be privy to that knowledge, and subsequently feel a right to cast judgment on individuals for their choices and viewpoints that differ from our own, all behind the safety of our computer screen. We live in a culture that bases its choices and actions on what feels right or what feels good, rather than on what we know to be right or good, regardless of how it makes us feel. The ideology, so ingrained in our current culture, of “if it feels good, it is good”, is not right and detrimental to us as individuals and as a society.
While it is important, as a Christ follower, to hold our brothers and sisters accountable for where they stray from the teachings of God’s Word, Jesus has set specific guidelines for how to approach these situations.

“Brothers [and sisters], if someone is caught in a sin, you who are spiritual should restore him gently [in a kind and Loving manner]. But watch yourself, or you also may be tempted.”
Galatians 6:1 NIV

““If your brother or sister sins, go and point out their fault, just between the two of you. If they listen to you, you have won them over. But if they will not listen, take one or two others along, so that ‘every matter may be established by the testimony of two or three witnesses.’ If they still refuse to listen, tell it to the church; and if they refuse to listen even to the church, treat them as you would a pagan or a tax collector.”
Matthew 18:15-17 NIV

Please note that this scripture says “brother or sister”. While we are all brothers and sisters in Christ, I believe that the intended meaning of this specific choice of words is for someone we are close to. Not for John and Jane Doe who you only see for a few minutes every Sunday morning. I also believe these verses are talking about sins that are big and ongoing issues. Not about when your friend is short with you because they had a bad day, or whether or not someone attends church every Sunday.

When I was in my late teens, I was visiting my cousins in Oregon and attended our home-away-from-home church. The associate pastor gave the message that Sunday and the subject matter has stuck with me ever since. He spoke about Christ followers judging other Christ followers in regard to petty things that either are not mentioned in God’s word at all, or what is said, is vague and not much said on it. He said this: “We need to mind our own business”. (Thank you, Bro Robert, for speaking truth even if it is uncomfortable or unpleasant to hear.) While I don’t remember the entirety of the sermon, that truth has stuck with me for many years, and I hope will continue to for the rest of my life.
We, as followers of Christ, are too concerned with what the next person is doing. We gossip (“update” others on the goings on of other connections), we gossip and judge at the same time “can you believe what so and so let their child do? You didn’t hear what happened? Well, let me fill you in.” I have even heard gossip and judgment stated in the form of “prayer requests”. And we have the audacity to give unsolicited “advice” and tell someone they’re wrong in how they raise their kids, what books they read or movies they watch, and a plethora of other things. Telling people they “need” to give to charity or tithe a certain way, saying they “need” to be participating in certain church ministries or functions, they “need” to be handling even their jobs a certain way. They shouldn’t drink or eat “that” food, own “those” things, or watch “those” shows. I am as guilty of having done this as the next person, and it is not right.

“Brothers and sisters, do not slander one another. Anyone who speaks against a brother or sister or judges them speaks against the law and judges it. When you judge the law, you are not keeping it, but sitting in judgment on it. There is only one Lawgiver and Judge, the one who is able to save and destroy. But you—who are you to judge your neighbor?”
James 4:11-12 NIV

This “not keeping [the law], but sitting in judgment on it” brings to mind the countless times I have given my kids instructions to do something (like clean their rooms), and one of them will come out to me and say “(sibling) is not cleaning their room!” My response is often: “Well, neither are you. Don’t worry about what your sibling is or isn’t doing. YOU obey.”
I think it is very common for us to fall into sticking our noses in other people’s business, when we are not doing the things that God wants us to be doing.

Too many Christ followers feel like it’s their job to tell their friends how to live like a “true” Christian, when it’s really not. That belongs to the Holy Spirit and they just need to mind their own business. We need to think before we speak out in judgment. Is it really my job to tell them that, or will I only cause hurt or an argument if I say something? And, more importantly than thinking, we need to pray and ask God if He is asking us to say something, or if that is coming from our own self-righteous pride, and then (the hard part) we need to stop, be still and quiet, and give Him an opportunity to respond. If we sense that it is not the Holy Spirit prompting us to say something, maybe we need to stop again and ask the Spirit to show us if there is something we are not doing that we ought to be, instead of worrying about whether the other person is doing right. I have seen too many fractured relationships from people simply not minding their own business and telling others how they “ought” to live, when it wasn’t their place to say anything. I have opened my own big mouth more times than I care to acknowledge, and said things that were none of my business to say.

“There is one whose rash words are like sword thrusts,
but the tongue of the wise brings healing.”
Proverbs 12:18 ESV

“I tell you, on the day of judgment people will give account for every careless word they speak, for by your words you will be justified, and by your words you will be condemned.”
Matthew 12:36-37 ESV

The way you respond, and the things you say, matter.

We need to mind our own business. If I am driving a vehicle and only watching what the other vehicles are doing, would I be able to drive well or safely? I need to be paying closer attention to what I am doing, keeping the other drivers in my peripheral, still watching those around me, but my main focus needs to be on what I’m doing. Only then, can I drive well and safely.
I have friends with many kids tell me about the rude or judgmental comments that people make about how many kids they have, telling them they shouldn’t have so many. I have friends with either no kids or only 1 and people have judgmental comments for them as well, saying they should have (more) kids. Whose business is it how many kids they have (or don’t have) and how does their decision affect you?

“Make it your ambition to lead a quiet life: You should mind your own business, and work with your hands, just as we told you”
1 Thessalonians 4:11 NIV

The Enemy wants us to focus on the petty things. On the fact that Jane Doe, who sits 3 rows behind you in church, has different political views from yourself. Or maybe that Joe Smith drinks alcohol occasionally. Or that Bob and Betty Johnson let their kids sass them, say potty words, eat junk food, and stay up until 11:00 every night. It’s none of our business, and it’s not our job to “set them straight”. How does it affect you if they watch “that” show or read “those” books? If you have a close relationship with someone and you perceive that as a source of sin for that person, it might be right for you to say something, but only do so in a manner after Jesus taught (see Matthew 18:15-17). Is it a matter that is really worth bringing before the whole church if they don’t listen to you? If not, then maybe its not really the right thing for you to bring up in the first place.

I know someone who had a small collection of little dolls (about a dozen). She enjoyed them because she thought they were cute, but didn’t really spend any time or money collecting more or obsessing over them, simply enjoyed looking at the ones she had occationally. Someone came and gave her a lecture “as a friend” on how she had idols in her house in the form of these dolls, and she was living in sin and needed to get rid of them. That was none of this other person’s business. These dolls were most certainly not an idol in the first person’s life, and if the other person had thought it was wrong to have dolls, then they should have probably begun by getting rid of the cat figurines they had around their own home. It was none of their business to tell the first person they were living in sin simply because they disagreed with something inside the other person’s household.
It’s situations like the above, where someone goes to another in a self-righteous manner, and tells them they are wrong for something, when it is really none of their business to worry about. In many situations like these, it is not uncommon to see hypocrisy at play as well.

We are not far from the church-going generation where many christians believed electric guitar and drums are evil. I still know many people who believe that way. No matter what your opinion on the matter, how does it affect you if someone believes that is ok or isn’t? Why have such petty things become a source of self-righteous judgment and alienation among Christ followers? Many in our culture behave that way in regard to politics as well and, all too often, I see friends and families torn apart over which political candidate they support.

Paul discusses judging fellow Christ followers on petty things in Romans chapter 14. I encourage you to read the whole chapter, however, I will include a handful of verses here.

“Accept the one whose faith is weak, without quarreling over disputable matters. One person’s faith allows them to eat anything, but another, whose faith is weak, eats only vegetables. The one who eats everything must not treat with contempt the one who does not, and the one who does not eat everything must not judge the one who does, for God has accepted them. Who are you to judge someone else’s servant? To their own master, servants stand or fall. And they will stand, for the Lord is able to make them stand.”
Romans 14:1-4 NIV

You, Christ follower, are a servant of God, not a servant of other humans. Neither is the person whom you judge on these “disputable matters” your servant, but God’s. It is not your job to make them do right, in your eyes, or “set them straight”.

“I am convinced, being fully persuaded in the Lord Jesus, that nothing is unclean in itself. But if anyone regards something as unclean, then for that person it is unclean.”
Romans 14:14 NIV

If I think it’s wrong for me to watch murder mystery shows, then it is wrong…for me. That does not follow that it is wrong for someone else to do that. If a woman believes it is wrong for women to wear shorts or pants, then it is wrong, for her. If I enjoy listening to 1980’s rock & roll, but someone else thinks it’s wrong, it is wrong, for them.

“So then, each of us will give an account of ourselves to God.
Therefore let us stop passing judgment on one another. – Let us therefore make every effort to do what leads to peace and to mutual edification. Do not destroy the work of God for the sake of food [or books, or movies, or music, or general lifestyle choices, etc]. – So whatever you believe about these things keep between yourself and God. Blessed is the one who does not condemn himself by what he approves [or disapproves].”
Romans 14:12-13a, 19-20a,22 NIV

You may notice that I skipped over some portions of the scripture above, I will address those portions here.

If something you partake in is not a stumbling block for you, but it is for someone else you spend time with, it is wrong for you to partake in it around them, or in a way that could be a stumbling block for them. One example could be: if I think it is ok to drink alcohol, but someone who struggles with alcoholism comes over to for dinner, it would be wrong of me to drink in front of them. I might cause them to be tempted and stumble. If it could cause someone else to stumble, just don’t do it, or at least don’t do it around them.

“Make up your mind not to put any stumbling block or obstacle in the way of a brother or sister. Let us therefore make every effort to do what leads to peace and to mutual edification. – Do not destroy the work of God for the sake of food [or tv, or books, or music, etc]. All food is clean, but it is wrong for a person to eat [or do] anything that causes someone else to stumble. – So whatever you believe about these things keep between yourself and God.”
Romans 14:13b, 19-20, 22a NIV

The Enemy wants us to feel that our opinion is the only “right” one. That it’s our job to correct others who differ from us in our personal convictions. That we can’t be friends with them because “they just don’t believe like we do”. When the reality is that: they believe the same fundamentals of the same Christian faith as yourself. With this type of division, we are losing out on a better understanding of how God may be speaking to someone else. Or even a better understanding on human experience that will give us better knowledge on how to connect with and reach other people who have different perspectives, and either help bring them to faith in Christ, or grow deeper in their relationship with Him. Or maybe, just maybe, we might learn something ourselves that will correct an incorrect view and draw us closer to God. When it comes to these “disputable matters”, we just need to mind our own business.

In the gospel of John, Jesus even told Peter to mind his own business:

“Peter turned and saw the disciple whom Jesus loved was following them. (This was the one who had leaned back against Jesus at the supper and had said “Lord, who is going to betray you?”) When Peter saw him, he asked, “Lord, what about him?” Jesus answered, “If I want him to remain alive until I return, what is that to you? You must follow me.””
John 21:20-22 NIV

One thing I have noticed as a parent is that almost every time I reprimand one child, they immediately start pointing out what their sibling did wrong, too. Maybe we need to stop and consider this: if we are spending our time worrying about what someone else is (or isn’t) doing, perhaps the Spirit is pricking our conscience about something, and we are attempting to ignore Him by pointing out where someone else is “wrong”. Even if we are not trying to divert attention from ourselves, we still need to stop worrying about what is going on in other people’s hearts and lives, and simply follow Christ ourselves.

So, I say to you, Christ follower: What does it matter to you what other Christ followers are doing? You follow Him.